Ramona V. Flowers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_ex_in_xp) wrote2012-08-16 11:55 am
the_ex_in_xp) wrote2012-08-16 11:55 am
Anything Goes Meme
So Ramona hit 6k haha balance what is that and I haven't done this thing in over a year + lots of stuff happening = an anything goes meme. Relationships, some ecards or otherwise, dumb art, headcanon stuff, songs she thinks fits your character, idk stats card. Anything pretty much goes! Multiple questions also okay because I like to ramble and stuff.
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Ramona's mental/emotional SOTU right now can be summed up as the gif I linked in Hanna's thread.
Despite that she is doing her best not to let Roxie see how badly everything else is affecting her. For many complicated reasons, but mostly because even if she trusts Roxie enough to use her own judgment in poor decisions regarding other people, she doesn't trust her enough to let her see Ramona in the emotionally helpless/desperate to get away from everything state she's vacillating in because...well last time that happened it sure didn’t go well. And she really, truly loves Roxie and doesn't want this to be damaging to her because the relationship between them in this own little private bubble is great, but so far it's ruined one relationship (Dante), kicked another one squarely in the squishy feelings place (Hanna), and caused a lot of judging and past revealing (Setsuna) that basically makes Ramona feel like a terrible person and that this is whole second try is just going to crash and burn spectacularly. Because she can't change enough to make it work.
The parallel is also terrible since I sort of headcanon'd it (waiting to be Joss'd on the inevitable "nope it's worse") that Ramona left Roxie, not because she stopped loving her or anything, but that the badness of the surrounding circumstances outweighed the desire she had at staying together, compounded by the fact that they both keep things from each other and lie by omission, which caused enough strain so even if she could have addressed it, it would have not gone well. They had a bad track record of letting the other one know what's going on, and they still do. Hell, their getting back together was initiated by things neither of them is admitting (subconscious diving) and both of them are trying to ignore the part where their past (Jennifer and Scott, to some degree Ramona's other flirtations) are still unresolved. Oh, and there's that whole remaining League of Evil Exes that Ramona notices Roxie is studiously ignoring talking about. That's sort of a Thing.
In spite of all that, Ramona was trying to make amends for this in the start (i.e. asking her "do you want me to tell you about the mistletoe" and general inquisitiveness) but now she's partially regressing into the "lalala nothing, I don't have to answer that" and not showing her feelings except privately like she does in those scenes in the comic, or with vague oblique statements when she explicitly makes sure Roxie isn't listening. Which is why she didn't get mad when Roxie stuck her foot in her mouth over the Rath situation, she simply...withdrew into herself. And stayed there until Roxie kissed her and apologized. Conversely, also why has moments where she's very demonstrative and forward in her affections because she's insecure and wants to reassure herself and have Roxie reassure her that she's not massively fucking up, without just saying "hey am I fucking things up?" because you can't just ask that. Addendum: This isn't to say she has ulterior motives to want to be intimate with Roxie. Just that it's an unconscious/semi-conscious response sometimes and you see her in canon using those moments as a springboard to broach subjects that she is usually too insecure to bring up and has been festering awhile.
THIS SOUNDS REALLY BAD, but despite feeling like a horrible person and horrible girlfriend forever, despite the Hanna issue reaffirming in her mind how she really can't go without hurting anyone who likes her, it's really driving home how she does want to make things work. Because she's seen very clearly how leaving hurt Roxie. She can't do it again. Even if everything gets ruined forever. And she's seen how Roxie has grown, so she's in this weird mix of almost being emotionally at the end of volume 6 but also still at the start of volume 5 in terms of her desire to make amends and her willingness to confront the awfulness of her actions.
Uh, so, I don't know. Summation: "I'm in lesbians with you"
HEADCANON (which you are free to contradict me on anytime)
Ramona's still kind of tentative on the inviting/visiting over at Roxie's place since it's a shared space and she's not wholly sure about Roxie's living schedule as it is now or the levels of welcoming. It was easier when they were just living together by default! However, she's not above leaving an unfinished book there by "accident," using rabbit visits as an excuse, or make a suggestion for dropping by in a vague future time like the breakfast thing as a subtle recon of boundaries.
She really likes Roxie with her hair down. Obviously she's not going to press her preferences, whatever she wants because it's her hair and all, but hair mussing is a definite thing with her in makeout sessions and she hasn't been particularly concerned that Roxie's letting it grow a little longer.
Aside from the major changes in hair, weight and a decreased homicidal rage, Ramona makes a mental note of any of the other small differences in Roxie, like new beauty marks, scars or just general behaviors that weren't there in college. It's just a quiet observational thing.
While Ramona has a sincere and positive interest in Roxie's art (after all she was willing to go to the gallery opening), she honestly doesn't try to get into the emotional meaning so much. It registers in her mind, she knows that passion is what makes it better than good, but she's more likely to comment on how a tree was rendered or something. She tends to like Roxie's because-I-can or more technically skilled projects over the passionately fueled ones. And the more emotionally close it gets the more she tunes it out in critique. Likewise she has no objections to Roxie drawing stuff inspired by her but honestly thankful that Roxie doesn't draw her in particular except maybe a sketch she keeps to herself sometimes, and I think even when they were first getting together Ramona never pulled a "PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS" moment because that would be dumb and self-absorbed, but she offered to be a model if Roxie was complaining about her life figure homework or something. More with a "hey you've already seen me naked" instead of a particular desire to be drawn. Probably because she would know Roxie's feelings better from a picture of her than all those times dealing with Roxie's "wonderful" communication skills, and that's too much raw honesty for her to cope with.
Ramona knows camp does stuff to people and the status effect she's most worried about is deaging, because she was very different in high school than how she presented herself in college. She basically doesn't want Roxie anywhere near her at that time to hear her say stupid shit and basically be the worst kind of teenager with a lot of anger issues. Turning into an animal or a guy ten times over would be preferable to that.
Mr. Miyagi has mellowed from fangirlish/fanbunny glee every time now that Roxie shows up more often but clearly still feels the need to be annoyingly affectionate when let out of her cage. Ramona's feeling of being ignored by her pet is totally absolved by the fact that Mr. Miyagi is just so darn happy in general when she's around.
Roxie has graduated to a drawer to keep her stuff in when she's over at Ramona's. Sometimes it's half-filled with socks or something but whatever Roxie can wear those socks too. It still counts.
Whenever Roxie complains about Ramona hogging the covers, she retaliates with spooning and/or cuddling so it's like "ha, take that! you complained and now you must endure affection, that will teach you!" And even if you say you're not cuddly, Scott and Roxie are basically tied for the most cuddle prone of Ramona's relationships.
She would totally be okay with trying to test the boundaries of the no sex rule if it weren't for the fact that Roxie would basically be the grumpiest bunny forever afterward. So she doesn't even bring it up. Even though, yes, Roxie being the grumpiest bunny...isn't really a detractor for her.
Sometimes she wants to ask Roxie about the period between college and now, like past relationships or things like that. She doesn't, mostly due to worry that it will end up awkward or she'll hear something she didn't want to, but it seems a little unfair that Roxie is privy to her list of misdeeds and it makes Ramona feel a little exposed.
Ramona tries not to think about what might happen after Camp. But when she does it dissolves into helpless dread as she realizes she may be okay in Roxie knowing about what potentially could go down but not okay in...actually having her involved in it. Essentially she is between a rock and a hard place or a hard and rocky freefall drop. Either abandoning Roxie so the League doesn't come after her (...bad idea) or trying to confront Gideon solo (...suicidal idea). She's been running scenarios through her head about how much control Gideon might still have on her since she's gone two years without his influence, the glow doesn't appear as often...her most optimistic chances of survival are about 5% unaided. And it's not like she hasn't thought about if Roxie would do the whole aid thing! But she's not going to ask, and if it comes up she's pretty sure that conversation would end badly since she would basically be against it, citing how much Gideon could outclass her in terms of manipulation and power levels, but she knows Roxie would just take it as a "you don't believe in me" putdown.WHEN IT'S NOT...entirely that. It's mostly that Roxie has been hurt badly by Ramona, and Gideon knows this so it would be easy enough for him to get into her head to capitalize on her self-loathing or insecurities like he did to Ramona. She didn't have to worry about that so much with Scott because his mind was simple and there isn't a lot for Gideon to warp. Roxie...well, Ramona's been in Roxie's mind. She knows Gideon could have a happy field day altering that.
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I'M NOT PICKY
YOUARE GETTING MORE THAN THIS I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE RN
^ Her face for that whole conversation.
SO. Hanna is actually the one noteworthy exception in her life as someone who she screwed up majorly about and has yet to cut and run. Granted, the barrier kept her from doing that at weaker moments but whatever! And she'd like to point this out to him except...oh god that's horrible and not actually making yourself look better! And she still kind of does want to bolt in many cases, which is why sometimes her body language goes to wedging her foot under stools or being weirdly still because it's that flight or fight instinct man.
This is mostly because Hanna is like a little stage play of how she is basically the worst human being ever at handling relationships. Even when she is actively trying not to be a heartless bitch, her whole dealing with the situation was awful, and she knows it was awful, and she knows it is all her fault. And Hanna's admitting "man it would have just been better if you never said yes in the first place" hurt like hell because she agreed with it 100%. Even though she really did like him and said yes out of genuine "well he's sweet and likeable so why not" interest, she knows she was going to fuck up his feelings, with or without the League. But she didn't think about that because she's selfish and at the time was desperately trying to move onto something else from all her other drama and basically he just was unlucky enough to like her. Sorry dude. You are not a terrible enough person to really date Ramona Flowers. :(
As for Hanna himself it's kind of sad because she's recognizing she really does care about him as a friend. Like, she has lots of friends she will hang out with and do stuff for in minor ways but Hanna's in that smaller group of people she'd really try to go to bat for (literally in the case of certain cannibals who are looking at you funny), but she really doesn't like feeling that way about people because burned so many times, once recently so she's trying to overcompensate it with little dumb inconsequential nice acts. And she's still torn on bailing over the whole thing because "HAVEN'T I DONE ENOUGH DAMANGE?" and "I THINK LEAVING WOULD MAKE IT WORSE" with Wendy helpfully smacking the latter into her head for emphasis. So, no running away but...
It may take an extensively long while for that urge to go dormant :|a
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GIVE ME SOME BULLET POINTS OR THINGS TO ADDRESS help
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but uh
- HANNA'S GENERAL FEELINGS? re: himself
- what was the biggest screw up Ramona did in the list of long screw ups
- how awkward are these attempts at buddy stuff going to be and anything fixable
also have a picture of I'M SO SORRY feelings Ramona won't act on because sometimes hugs don't work and words are hard :(
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but Breeze is totally excited about Ramona dyeing her hair
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But I totally want to thread that out! Roxie just needs to get on the ball with the introductions since she mentioned her as Brianna and Ramona knows Breeze as Breeze, so obviously she's confused with "wait there is a kid Roxie likes enough to mention? what? seriously?" 1. because Roxie is terribly antisocial and 2. since Ramona's interaction with the younger set has been mostly Vanya and Machika. So once that happens it will click and she'll go "........oh, yeah, morally grey badass in training with possibly liking girls tendencies. HOW DID I NOT REALIZE?!" then getting down to the hair dyeing business. :|b
And since she's friendly with Roxie, Ramona will probably have a weird standard of trying to be more approachable to her while simultaneously being more okay with being a Terrible Influence in front of her, because you like Roxie so clearly this is where your standards of decency are lying low in the field.
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Breeze is fascinated by Roxie and Ramona and thinks they are both really cool and she is gonna ask a ton of questions and be annoying I'M SORRY.
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While the ecards are ...scarily perfect as a means of discussing this I guess I should mention that Ramona does feel a small twinge of empathy towards Jennifer's situation in how she realizes it must suck and hurt and she wants to lash out about it. Especially since Ramona's already riding the "any time I do anything regarding a relationship decision there is SO MUCH COLLATERAL DAMAGE" guilt train round trip as the conductor.
Of course then Jennifer banned her from the bar so she's pretty much feeling absolved of not even trying to actually nurture those feelings. She has other people whose feelings she hurt to worry about! People who aren't horrendously terrible! I didn't even put your head through a jukebox you oversensitive pussy! And the argument pretty much nuked her relationship with Dante so. Yeah.
Honestly, she wants her and Roxie to work out whatever shit they have just so Roxie will feel okayish, but she knows there is nothing she could do that wouldn't make it exponentially worse so sticking to the game plan of avoiding everything involving that topic forever. And talking shit about her obliquely and anonymously but whatever. That is so much more mature than whatever you're doing. :/
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OOP.
I guess some of the intense, burning hatred has subsided a bit, but Jennifer is still pissed as hell—the thing is, she’s more angry at Roxie than she ever was at Ramona. As in, she’d be way more emotionally stable if she ever sat down and talked with Ramona than she would if she had to have another conversation with Roxie. It’s partially a “she doesn’t owe me anything so whatever” thing, and partially a “what’s the point of trying to actually bring her down when I’m already superior to her” thing.
SHE’S JUST GOT ONE THING SHE CAN’T GET OVER—AND IT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK
Like, it actually legitimately weirded her out when Roxie brought up how terrible it was for her to bar-ban them, because in Jennifer’s mind, that was the healthiest possible thing she could have done to curb any of her murderous rage tendencies. She doesn’t see the Busted Ball as a bar, she basically sees it as her home—not just her Camp home, but her home home, because she doesn’t actually have a home outside of Camp anymore. And the bar’s been the site of a looooooooot of her biggest emotional moments since arriving, so she’s very protective of her space and all the memories she feels are attached to it and the various bar items, yadda yadda yadda. So in her mind, she was all “I’m being an adult and trying to stay out of their way, so I’m taking this precaution so I don’t flip out and physically hurt everyone in my ensuing meltdown but it’s not like either of them would be dumb enough to want to walk into my living room anyway, so it won’t matter” and really just does not get why it is or was a big deal.
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i just want things
EASY FIRST, MORE LATER
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Also she's baking you cookies. Because she's been banned from the bar so this means she's been thwarted from her attempt at all the alcohol so. So many cookies.
BRITTA AND RAMONA:
Britta is weird in a fun way because Britta is very much like Ramona. She's sort of a mix of how Ramona was in high school with her "down with the Man" bullshit and her bad decisions seem almost on par (especially with the dating guys part), but she's got this tight knit group of friends, tries so much harder to be good even if it's to an annoying degree, plus doesn't seem to mind failing spectacularly...to an annoying degree. So where Ramona compensated by the apathy and closing herself off route, Britta went balls to the wall out there. Ramona has this weird mix of admiration and judging and really does like her! So even if she has private moments of going "...seriously?" she would kind of go "shut up she's not the worst, your face is the worst" like the others.
Also have some music. Because Ramona and Britta also share my soundtrack headcanon
BRITTA'S SOUL SONG
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone
OBLIGATORY PROTEST SONG
You Are (The Government) - Bad Religion
OBLIGATORY HIPSTER SONG
You, Me and the Bourgeoisie - The Submarines
OBLIGATORY COMMUNITY COLLEGE SONG
Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
VOLUNTARY FEELINGS SONG BY HIPSTERS
Carried Away - Passion Pit
Higher education making sense
Justify your thesis, certain that you need this
Tell me what your point is in defense...
OBLIGATORY GODDAMN YOUR TASTE IN MEN IS AWFUL SONG
Broken Ones - Dia Frampton
KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE? CANCER SONG
Not Your Year - The Weepies
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Also your Britta soundtrack is the best.
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...yeah, okay no, I just suck. That is what all the apology e-cards are for.
And thanks for the soundtrack compliment. It came complete with me Britta-ing up a link to a youtube video that doesn't like sharing. This one should work: "Carried Away" by Passion Pit
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I'm going to stick with Ramona and Roy's relationship right now because that's the doozy but I WANT TO HAVE ALL MY CHARACTERS PLAY WITH ALL OF YOURS. ALL THE CR.
So, uh, Ramona is a little bit in love with Roy. Tiny bit. Feelings snuck up on her unfairly. He is definitely in her "I would put real effort into doing things for you" group and he vies with Wendy as her least terrible/most decent friend. But where Wendy is practical, Roy is sort of idealized. When she first got to know him the major things she took away is how serious he is about being a Good Person who saves buses full of nuns and rescues kittens from trees. At the same time he was grumpy and often unapproachable and snarky, basically the type of person she can hang out with, it's just beneath all that surliness there is a genuinely good guy there and not someone who is actually worse than how they appear. Prior to her time at camp, she considered it a win to associate people who weren't actively evil, and he's someone who is so far out of her scope of general moral dealings she still had some weirdness dealing with it.
Of course, he's really attractive, likeable and a bit of a stuffed shirt, so she flirted with him. Mostly because how could she not? And she thought he was the kind of guy to sort of to stoically put up with it and banter back. Her understanding of hero types is they keep their interest to the nice Lois Lanes, only semi-flirt back with the less than altruistic Catwoman types (Ramona...honestly zoned out of most of Scott's X-Men lessons). And she loved being around him. He actually made her want to be a better person and all that sentimental stuff. Which is why she took up archery and actually handled her shit better (Scott leaving, fighting with Roxie, hating herself a lot) than she would have otherwise. So it wasn't rescuing her from a burning building but it was basically being something she could hold onto as an anchor from a downward spiral of bad decisions.
Then stuff got complicated. Because Ramona legitimately sucks at all relationship interaction and being responsible about her own failures. So contextually, Hanna asked her out and she agreed because he asked and he was nice so maybe this would be a chance for her to not be terrible. The date went awkward but well until he ended up busting his nose and bleeding all over, reaffirming Ramona's whole latent guilt of "...okay I can never let anyone else go through what Scott went through because I will end up hurting them terribly and letting it happen once is bad but twice is just unforgivably shitty of me." She didn't think Roy was actually interested because Serious Hero, Serious Obligations so that was okay and safe, but she knew if he learned about the League stuff he'd probably want to do the big dumb hero thing. And she knew she really didn't want him to know how bad she used to be, because he's the guy she's really looking toward to be better around so that might undermine things if he knew she was the catalyst for seven people joining a league of evil. It would be devastating if he actually knew what kind of person she was and then found her lacking.
...then he wandered around her subconscious and basically voiced aloud everything she had most feared. At the same time, she could not actually fault him because oh god he was right and she was terrible and even though she was kind of in between being better and doing her best to change it he was like "wow this place is fucked up." So when it ended with her telling him about her brother, which he is still the only one in camp she willingly told because that is her deepest, most personal tragedy, it was sort of her moment of thinking that if she's ruined everything she might as well give up. So she pretty much thought Roy was done with her, and in the midst of her self-loathing low place Roxie reached out to her and they agreed to try the dating thing again because...well they basically already ran the gamut of being awful at each other. And she already knew, having played a part in it, at what messed up situations Ramona's life entailed.
Then shortly after that whole thing Roy and Ramona had actual conversations and there was the understanding that he didn't actually despise her and judge her (well, enough to wash his hands of her) so she was pretty much okay with doing almost anything to not ruin stuff between them. Like. Mention she was dating someone who was previously in an evil league, and also because Ramona is just so bad at admitting anything without direct prompting. Plus, it was okay to try and mimic things the way they were--until it wasn't with the mistletoe and the dance and now she's realizing she may have misjudged feelings and she knows she has to come completely clean (or as clean as she can get) but she reeeeeeeeeeeeally doesn't want to because she's got mixed results so far (one loss, one semi-victory) in explaining herself. And, despite being the poster girl for cut and run issues, she is desperate to do whatever she can to hold onto him because he is the best guy she has ever really known. She put the most fragile thing about herself into his hands. And she's saving up all her "don't bail" XP into not failing at this mess. But Ramona Flowers apparently can never like somebody without ruining things in the worst way, so...aw hell I'll just repost this again:
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Also that was an awesome state of the Ramona.