[Sometime during AU week]

[the_ex_in_xp]

[meanwhile at the dorms, a half-pirate and some girl who managed a +3 lockpicking skill in her bag of tricks are trying to break in to "their" room]

This lock is way more sophisticated than the others. You'd think they were worried about unsavory people trying to break in...

Comments

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[staring really hard at the ground]

You know I don't want that.

[the_ex_in_xp]

I don't know. You're too--I really don't know how I ended up with someone as nice as you. You're the kindest girl I've ever dated.

[sinking back onto the bed]

[the_ex_in_excessive]

And you're the coolest girl I've ever dated. Maybe we were both looking for something different at the time, I don't know...

[the_ex_in_xp]

[disagrees with that strongly, but she doesn't have a proper outlet for violence so instead just going to glare at the rabbits, like fuck you guys for being all cute and oblivious]

I wasn't looking for anything. I was being selfish, that's all.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

You were being selfish by dating me?

[the_ex_in_xp]

You wanted a real girlfriend. Not some casual fling or weird experimentation with someone who's more of a concept than a person. Which apparently is a big thing with artistic types...

[trying to look you in the eyes but it's really hard and she's hoping her hair blocks most of it]

I knew I couldn't be what you needed. I've never had a relationship last longer than two years. And that was only because Todd and I kept breaking up and cheating on each other. But I liked you so...I just went with it.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[she's letting her hair block her eyes too right now so that's okay]

... so why didn't you say all of that? Why couldn't we have talked about it then?

[the_ex_in_xp]

I told you, I was selfish. By the time I realized it, we were already kinda dating. I didn't want to lose you.

... I thought maybe I could change.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[silent for a moment and then throwing her arms around you and burying her head in your shoulder.

... maybe this isn't very helpful. sorry.]

[the_ex_in_xp]

[it's not unhelpful, but mostly it's confusing because she just admitted to being the worst, so this hugging thing is leaving her paralyzed with her inability to respond to affection when she clearly has earned the opposite reaction]

... wha--why?

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[lifting her head up just a little so she's not mumbling incoherently into your shoulder]

Because I love you and you can't make me not love you. Okay?

[the_ex_in_xp]

[there's a disbelieving noise that comes out of her that's somewhere between a laugh and a sob before she tentatively reaches up to wrap her arms around you, one hand threading fingers through your hair]

I should try. It's not the first stupid thing I've done. And I feel a list of my previous fuck ups would make great evidence...

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[you can tell by the wavering of her voice that she's definitely been trying not to cry, but the reciprocation of contact helping a lot on that front]

Sorry, Ramona, it's unconditional. And I have a lot of dumb mistakes of my own to make up for, so it definitely includes care packages.

[the_ex_in_xp]

[giving a phlemy snort of amusement because how can you be such a dork when also on the verge of crying and god she doesn't want crying]

God. No care packages, please. I might be emotionally incapable, but I can be an adult about toothpaste and socks.

[then, remembering how she needs to not sound dismissive or bitchy, adds--] You could just visit... bring dumb packaged things with you.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

I know, I know. I meant more like an emotional care package, all "somebody out there loves you" and stuff. There'd be a handwritten letter and some art and I'm learning how to bake so probably bread? C'mon, you can't say no to fresh bread...

But I'd love to visit too.

[thinking better than to add some dumb comment about putting up with Scott, ftr :|b]

[the_ex_in_xp]

[and for her part is trying not to point out "bread makes you fat" but she's smiling a little in spite of herself (and...everything else) while resting her head against you]

I can say no to plenty of things. But you make it really hard when you're being so sincere about it...

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[grinning a little]

That's my secret weapon, you know that.

[the_ex_in_xp]

Yeah, I know. So much for the swashbuckling stats...

[dropping her gaze, because maybe she was finally brave enough to admit she was wrong but all her courage has dried up, but she owes you this. she owes you a ton of things but this is the first, which is why she's trying to not whisper it]

...I love you too.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[... fuck okay so it turns out when you get to hear the thing you've wanted to hear again for a couple years now it maybe maybe maybe can result in actual tears being shed, so she's trying to find the best possible way of hiding that as best she can. Probably pulling in close again and resting her head against yours??]

... thanks. That means a lot to me...

[the_ex_in_xp]

[shifting so her shoulder is prime settling in material, running her hand through your hair and trying valiantly to ignore she's made you cry...again, way to go Ramona Flowers]

I should've said it more often.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[IT'S HAPPY CRYING OKAY]

Well, I'm not gonna act like I wouldn't have liked that a lot.

But, I mean, I knew...

[the_ex_in_xp]

That's because you never have to worry about ruining your reputation as an aloof badass. Unless we're talking your alternate roller derby self...

[IT'S STILL CRYING AND THAT MAKES TELLING YOU THINGS HARD especially when some of it makes her want to cry all on its own]

...I don't know if I can love you like she loves her. I didn't even think I was capable of that until today... But I care about you, Roxie. And I don't know how I can show you that in a way that's good for you, but I'm willing to try.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[okay, drying her eyes with her coat sleeve and sniffling a little but she's still visibly smiling so there]

That's all I want. Seriously, that's... whatever I thought I wanted before, that was wrong and dumb. I'm just glad we actually got to talk about it, finally...

[the_ex_in_xp]

[well great, now that I am all teary eyed too, we match]

Sorry, communication skills are on the list of things I'm bad at. But I suck less when it's letter writing...

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[laughing in that sheepish, self-conscious way she does when she knows she's getting super-earnest, even for her]

That's good. God, is it lame if I'm really, really excited about the letters?