[Sometime during AU week]

[the_ex_in_xp]

[meanwhile at the dorms, a half-pirate and some girl who managed a +3 lockpicking skill in her bag of tricks are trying to break in to "their" room]

This lock is way more sophisticated than the others. You'd think they were worried about unsavory people trying to break in...

Comments

[the_ex_in_excessive]

It's probably me too. Like maybe that me is less...

[sighing and shaking her head]

Less a lot of things...

[the_ex_in_xp]

No, don't say that, Roxie. It's not you.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

Well it's not just you either. Don't say that.

[the_ex_in_xp]

[pushing the laptop off her leg, an undercurrent of anger that she's usually much better at controlling coming out in her voice before she reins it back in again]

Yes, it is! I'm the one with the League of Wronged Exes, not you! I mean, what kind of an asshole ruins seven peoples lives' just by dating them?


...and you were the one I hurt the most because you didn't deserve any of my shit.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

Ramona, you didn't ruin their lives.

[the_ex_in_xp]

I fucked them up enough for them to listen to Gideon Gordon Graves, professional life ruiner.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

Ramona, I practically had to play stenographer for those dumb meetings. I spent way more time around those guys than I wanted to, okay? And you didn't ruin anyone's lives. Todd Ingram is a total psycho. The twins are jerks. If it wasn't you, Matthew would've found some other girl to obsess over because he's delusional. And Lucas...

... okay Lucas is kind of a sweetheart, actually, but the scoreboard is still pretty much in favor of Team Sucky People No Matter What. And speaking of, Gideon's a manipulative little hipster creep and that's not your fault either that he tricked me into thinking I could somehow get what I wanted by being a part of the League. It's not your fault that he's a sleaze and I was naive and confused, okay?

[the_ex_in_xp]

[if this wasn't an emotionally wrought moment she'd straighten up and ask "stenographer, really?" but the thing she's focusing on comes first:]

...what did you want?

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[okay, retreating a bit back into her self-consciousness bubble now]

I, uh... honestly, it's hard to explain, it's a lot of feelings and when I actually try to look at them head-on they change shape and, like, is that even a coherent metaphor, is metaphor the right word orrrrrrr oh god, Roxie, stop talking.

[the_ex_in_xp]

[interrupting for both our sakes]

So it's not feelings like "I really want to punch her in the fucking mouth repeatedly"? Because if you want to do that head on, you can take a free shot. You don't have to hold back...

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[staring really hard at the ground]

You know I don't want that.

[the_ex_in_xp]

I don't know. You're too--I really don't know how I ended up with someone as nice as you. You're the kindest girl I've ever dated.

[sinking back onto the bed]

[the_ex_in_excessive]

And you're the coolest girl I've ever dated. Maybe we were both looking for something different at the time, I don't know...

[the_ex_in_xp]

[disagrees with that strongly, but she doesn't have a proper outlet for violence so instead just going to glare at the rabbits, like fuck you guys for being all cute and oblivious]

I wasn't looking for anything. I was being selfish, that's all.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

You were being selfish by dating me?

[the_ex_in_xp]

You wanted a real girlfriend. Not some casual fling or weird experimentation with someone who's more of a concept than a person. Which apparently is a big thing with artistic types...

[trying to look you in the eyes but it's really hard and she's hoping her hair blocks most of it]

I knew I couldn't be what you needed. I've never had a relationship last longer than two years. And that was only because Todd and I kept breaking up and cheating on each other. But I liked you so...I just went with it.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[she's letting her hair block her eyes too right now so that's okay]

... so why didn't you say all of that? Why couldn't we have talked about it then?

[the_ex_in_xp]

I told you, I was selfish. By the time I realized it, we were already kinda dating. I didn't want to lose you.

... I thought maybe I could change.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[silent for a moment and then throwing her arms around you and burying her head in your shoulder.

... maybe this isn't very helpful. sorry.]

[the_ex_in_xp]

[it's not unhelpful, but mostly it's confusing because she just admitted to being the worst, so this hugging thing is leaving her paralyzed with her inability to respond to affection when she clearly has earned the opposite reaction]

... wha--why?

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[lifting her head up just a little so she's not mumbling incoherently into your shoulder]

Because I love you and you can't make me not love you. Okay?

[the_ex_in_xp]

[there's a disbelieving noise that comes out of her that's somewhere between a laugh and a sob before she tentatively reaches up to wrap her arms around you, one hand threading fingers through your hair]

I should try. It's not the first stupid thing I've done. And I feel a list of my previous fuck ups would make great evidence...

[the_ex_in_excessive]

[you can tell by the wavering of her voice that she's definitely been trying not to cry, but the reciprocation of contact helping a lot on that front]

Sorry, Ramona, it's unconditional. And I have a lot of dumb mistakes of my own to make up for, so it definitely includes care packages.

[the_ex_in_xp]

[giving a phlemy snort of amusement because how can you be such a dork when also on the verge of crying and god she doesn't want crying]

God. No care packages, please. I might be emotionally incapable, but I can be an adult about toothpaste and socks.

[then, remembering how she needs to not sound dismissive or bitchy, adds--] You could just visit... bring dumb packaged things with you.

[the_ex_in_excessive]

I know, I know. I meant more like an emotional care package, all "somebody out there loves you" and stuff. There'd be a handwritten letter and some art and I'm learning how to bake so probably bread? C'mon, you can't say no to fresh bread...

But I'd love to visit too.

[thinking better than to add some dumb comment about putting up with Scott, ftr :|b]